Ken Hills

This Says It All

2012-01-27T14:00:00.000-08:00

Phil Knight, the founder and Chairman of Nike, has emerged following the death of Joe Paterno as the late Penn State coach’s great defender. At a packed, televised memorial service, Knight eulogized Paterno and went on the attack against the media and Board of Trustees, firmly defending Joe Paterno's actions, or inactions, after learning that his assistant coach Jerry Sandusky may have been a child rapist.

"In the year in question he gave full disclosure to his superiors up the chain to head of campus police and president of the school. The matter was in the hands of a world class university and by a president with an outstanding national reputation. Whatever the details of the investigation are, this much is clear to me. There was a villain in this tragedy it lies in that investigation, not in Joe Paterno's response to it. [ applause ] and yet, for his actions, he was excoriated by the media and fired over the telephone by his university. Yet in all his subsequent appearances in the press, on TV, interacting with students, conversing with hospital personnel, giving interviews, he never complained, he never lashed out. Every word, every bit of body language conveyed a single message. ‘We are Penn State.’"

The crowd went wild. Knight has also received praise in the evil media for his strong words. Jena McGregor, a columnist for the Washington Post wrote a piece titled, “At Joe Paterno memorial service, Phil Knight shows true leadership.” This is true, But it’s leadership right off a cliff and into the kind of moral abyss Coach Paterno rejected with his last public interview.

By Paterno’s own tragic words, he “didn’t know which way to go” and said that he wished he'd done more upon hearing the allegations against Sandusky. We can, I believe, understand that. We can understand how hearing that your dear friend of decades was some kind of monster could produce confusion. We can understand why Paterno would only tell the campus authorities who you believe have "more expertise" in handling these matters. We can understand saying nothing over the years, perhaps assuming the matter was taken care of, as you see the accused rapist walk into your office, or arrive on your sideline holding a small child by the hand, or using the very showers where someone witnessed the rape of a 10 year old boy. We can understand how a person could think, “I told the campus police. I did what I legally had to do. And now I don’t want to think about this ever again.” We can understand it, but that doesn’t mean we have to excuse it.

The celebration of Knight’s message by Jena MacGregor and the attendees is another example why so much of the country looks at Happy Valley, Pennsylvania like some kind of moral Bizarro World. It also drowns out the thousands of Penn State students who held vigils on campus against child abuse or the Penn State alums “sickened” by both the allegations against Sandusky as well as the response by those alumni and students who see Paterno, and by extension themselves, as the real victims in this saga.

What Phil Knight and those attracted to his brand of rhetoric don’t understand is that it’s not "the media" that enraged people against Joe Paterno and Penn State. It’s the fact that we’re human beings and the thought of a respected member of the community raping children makes all of us feel vulnerable in a very primal way. Maybe we were abused. Or maybe we know someone who was abused. Or maybe we have children and drop them off everyday with seemingly caring adults with whom we trust with their care. The unspoken thought, that there is a Sandusky in every town collecting damaged childhoods like Hummel figurines, is terrifying. The idea that someone –anyone – could have stopped Sandusky and didn’t because they wanted to protect a University brand, is infuriating. The belief that Joe Paterno, an avatar of moral righteousness, did the “bare minimum” in the face of this, is for many a mark on his character so dark, it shades decades of good works. I am personally far more sympathetic than that. But that sympathy starts by understanding that Joe Paterno was a football coach and a tenured professor, not a saint. He was fallible. He was right that he “should have done more.” He also sure as hell isn’t the only person who should say that.

The presence of Phil Knight in particular as a defender, does Paterno an awful disservice. In Knight, we have someone whose company, despite efforts at reform, is still being flagged for using child labor under abusive sweatshop conditions. Much of this is subcontracted so Knight can feign ignorance, but that’s a legal loophole not a moral one. Think about children as young as four or five years old in Pakistan on the assembly line. Think about a company that builds factories in authoritarian regimes so anyone who talks worker’s rights, let alone union, would face harrowing consequences. Or just Google “Nike, and Child Labor” and prepare to be assaulted with information of industrialized abuse. Given the gravity of these conditions, I have no problem writing that Jerry Sandusky, if guilty of every charge, would have to live 100 lives to ruin the number of childhoods emblemized by the Nike swoosh.

In Knight, we also have someone who pays college coaches a fortune so "student-athletes" can wear and by extension advertise their products. We have someone who ploughs millions to the University of Oregon football program funding state of the art equipment and facilities, while the school endures terrible cuts. We have someone who I would argue represents the corrupting of amateur sports and by extension the corrupting of Joe Paterno and Penn State. By defending Paterno, Knight is doing little more than defending himself and the kind of moral relativism he’s brought to campuses around the country.

I’m in no kind of position to pass judgment on what Joe Paterno and his memory “deserves” for his actions or inactions. But I know he deserves far better than to be defended by Phil Knight. It will stand for me as the final insult to Coach Paterno's good name.

[Dave Zirin is the author of “The John Carlos Story” (Haymarket) and just made the new documentary “Not Just a Game.”

2012-01-08T10:39:00.000-08:00

How can we achieve world peace and stable economies? This is my attempt to answer these questions.

I am a Catholic and survivor/victim of child abuse. My research is based on that bias. To begin, I state the obvious that, when it concerns the sexual abuse of young people, the Catholic church is not alone in its culpability. As has been reported so often before, other religious denominations, educational institutions, Boy Scouts, the R.C.M.P., sports teams and other individuals from every walk of life are just as culpable. As a young Catholic, confirmed in the church, I was exposed to the images of Michael, the archangel, fighting the devil and expelling him from the kingdom. Indeed, we were confirmed as soldiers of Christ, dedicated, as Michael, to fight the temptations of evil. That experience of my youth has much more significance for me now. As a survivor/victim of child abuse, I have witnessed the battle of good versus evil and I can clearly state that evil knows no bounds.
For this article, I refer to two notorious abuse cases involving senior clerics of the Catholic church, one an abetter, the other other a perpetrator. Much more can be learned of world wide cases by reading Sylvia’s site and bishopsaccountability.org,, easily found on the internet.
Bernard Francis Law (born November 4, 1931) is an American Cardinal of the Roman Catholic Church. He is the Archbishop emeritus of Boston, member of the Roman Curia, archpriest emeritus of the Basilica di Santa Maria Maggiore, and titular Cardinal Priest of Santa Susanna, the American Catholic church in Rome.
He resigned as archbishop of Boston on December 13, 2002, in response to the Roman Catholic Church sex abuse scandal after Church documents were revealed which suggested he had covered up sexual abuse committed by priests in his archdiocese.
Pope John Paul II in 2004 appointed him Archpriest of the Papal Basilica of Saint Mary Major in Rome. Law resigned from this position in November 2011.
Up to 2002, according to Bishop’s accountability.org, $3,236,497,222 have been paid by the Catholic church in the United States alone to 5,048 survivor/victims of sexual abuse cases involving the Catholic clergy. This number represents a third of the 15,235 survivors who the Bishops say have come forward.
Fr. Marcial Maciel Degollado (March 10, 1920 – January 30, 2008) was a Mexican-born Roman Catholic priest who founded the Legion of Christ and the Regnum Christi movement. He was accused of pedophilia early in his life and reportedly fathered at least one child. Reports speculate that Maciel maintained relationships with at least two women and fathered up to six children, two of whom he allegedly abused as well. The late Pope John Paul II supported Maciel, but soon after becoming pope, Pope Benedict XVI removed Maciel from active ministry after an investigation started under John Paul II, ordering him to spend the rest of his days in prayer and penance. On March 25, 2010, a communiqué on the Legion's website acknowledged as factual "reprehensible actions" by Maciel, including sexual abuse of young seminarians.
Through the Legion of Christ and the Regnum Christi Fr. Maciel started many schools, a network of Universities and a large number of charitable institutes. In January 2006 he stepped down as head of the Legion of Christ and tendered its leadership to long-time follower Fr. Álvaro Corcuera Martínez del Río.
During his life, Maciel was the focus of several investigations regarding allegations of drug abuse, (he was hospitalised for morphine addiction) and he was also investigated for sexually abusing children. First in 1956, he was investigated for drug abuse, after which he was exonerated and returned as head of the Congregation. In 2005 Maciel stepped down as head of the order and, a few days before John Paul II died, Cardinal Ratzinger announced his intention of removing "filth" from the Church; many believed he was referring specifically to Maciel. In May 2006, Pope Benedict XVI disciplined him, inviting him to "a reserved life of prayer and penitence"; no explanation was given to the public or to the Legionaries of Christ.
In July 2009, a Spanish daily published an interview with a woman who had a child with Maciel in 1986 and now lives in a luxury apartment in Madrid which Maciel purchased for her. A day later, Mexican media reported that an attorney, José Bonilla, will represent three of a possible total of six of Maciel's children in a civil suit to recover Maciel's estate. The lawyer claimed that there are several properties in Mexico and around the world which Maciel owned in his own name.
Marcial Maciel died in Jacksonville, Florida, United States, on January 30, 2008, at age 87. He had a private funeral and was buried in his birth place, Cotija, Michoacán, in early February 2008.
According to Childhelp, an organization founded in 1959 for the Prevention and Treatment of Child Abuse, in the United States:A report of child abuse is made every ten seconds. More than five children die every day as a result of child abuse. Approximately 80% of children that die from abuse are under the age of 4. It is estimated that between 50-60% of child fatalities due to maltreatment are not recorded as such on death certificates. More than 90% of juvenile sexual abuse victims know their perpetrator in some way.
Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education.
About 30% of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the horrible cycle of abuse. About 80% of 21 year olds that were abused as children met criteria for at least one psychological disorder. The estimated annual cost of child abuse and neglect in the United States for 2007 is $104 billion.
On a personal level, I am a survivor/victim of sexual abuse by a Catholic priest. In June of 2011, I attended the sentencing of my perpetrator in a Windsor court. My wife and two of my children attended. In attendance also were 16 other survivor/victims. In all, we ranged in ages from 40 to 73, I being the eldest. All had been abused by the same man and all had laid charges against him. He pled guilty to all charges. Each survivor/victim in turn was invited to read an impact statement. Personally, I was nervous to do so but anxious to face my perpetrator after living with this demon for 58 years. Every one of us, at one time over the two day ordeal, cried cathartically. Needless to say, my family has had difficulty in dealing with this also.
Patrick McMahon, 43, is one of the younger victims. In fact, it was Patrick who bravely started the procedure against our perpetrator by laying the initial charge. An intelligent and articulate gentleman, Patrick has had nothing but trouble in attempting to deal with his abuse. Now married, with two beautiful young girls, Patrick has lost three jobs in the last 15 months. In Patrick’s words, “I’m sure nobody can ever really understand what that evil human being Marshall did to each of the children he abused - partly because everyone is affected differently. For me it is hard to imagine that losing three jobs after having started my pursuit of this monster is unrelated to his actions. Anyway, I can’t explain it ………. but I want the world to know that the damage he and his kind do carries on and on and on ……… Even my girls are crying now. So … I am just telling my small little corner of the world ………. though I really don’t know why. I just had to..”
Theo Fleury, the retired professional hockey player, was recently asked his opinion of the Sandusky/Penn State scandal. This was before the news of the Syracuse basketball scandal. Theo stated that sexual abuse is the most significant epidemic on this planet. He explained that 1 of 3 girls and 2 of 5 boys will have been abused.
How can we have peace in this world? How can we improve the economies of the world? It is a known fact that sufferers of abuse, with a few exceptions, never achieve their true potential. Their self esteem is crushed and their feelings of ambition are stifled. They never know lasting peace in their own lives. How can they pass the peace on to others? How many potential doctors, scientists, great educators are there, once young children, once victims of evil? Who but a survivor/victim can truly understand the anger, the rage, the fits of depression, the need to suppress the horror? Who but the loved ones of those survivors, the wives, the husbands, the children, the parents can truly understand their anguish?
The shame and guilt and the evil of countless people like Law and Maciel, Cardinals, leaders, CEO’s of the biggest corporation in the world has seeped into the lives of millions of people, the victims, relatives and loved ones, children, grandchildren, causing untold generational damage. Like a cancer, a network of evil is covering the landscape of this earth. Is there anyone besides our Supreme Being who can truly comprehend the damage that abuse does, not only to the child but to our world? I do believe in God, a just God, one who some day will balance the scales. I also believe in the existence of evil and can neither think nor write of any subject more diabolical, more damaging than the abuse of a child, not only to the individual victim but to our world.
For this article, I acknowledge the following sources of information: wikipedia, “Render Unto Rome” by Jason Berry, Bishopsaccountability.org, Childhelp, Theo Fleury

A SNAP courtesy advertisement

2011-12-19T15:04:00.000-08:00

Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests

Help make our next conference the best one yet!

Dear Friends;

With a few quick and simple steps you can help us make sure that our annual conference - set for July 27-29 in Chicago - will be our best ever.

Because of the tough economy, folks who want to come will likely need to start planning and saving earlier than usual, so we're trying to spread the word about the conference far and wide quickly.

We're asking every SNAP member and supporter to take these two simple steps

1) Please consider sending the announcement below to any blogger you may know. This is a good way to reach out to a different audience than the one you normally reach, and more coverage could encourage others who may not have been interested before to seriously think about attending! (It doesn't matter whether he or she has a large or small audience, writes about clergy abuse or not). You can offer them this message as an example:

"If any of my readers are survivors of abuse, have family that are survivors, or are supporters of those who have suffered these traumas at the hands of authority figures, then I want to take a moment to tell you about the SNAP Annual Conference. SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, is an international organization that helps counsel and support survivors, whether they were abused by a priest, a boy scout leader, a nun, or a coach. Their conference - which this year will be taking place in Chicago from July 27 to July 29 - is an informative event with many different speakers and breakout sessions that teaches survivors and supporters many things including healing strategies, new ways of thinking about their abuse, and ways that they can help protect others. It is a great chance for anyone who has experienced abuse to meet, socialize, and help each other in their healing process. If you're interested, you should check out more information at the SNAP website here."

Classics and Abuse

2011-12-16T08:56:00.000-08:00

A classic can be defined as a work of art that stands the test of time. Therefore, the bible is a classic whether you regard it as literature or as enlightened lessons based on the life of Christ. It is noted that Christ taught lessons by using parables. The following is one of my favourites and has relevance to the subject of abuse.
“Therefore stay alert, because you do not know the day or the hour. For it is like a man going on a journey, who summoned his slaves and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The one who had received five talents went off right away and put his money to work and gained five more. In the same way, the one who had two gained two more. But the one who had received one talent went out and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money in it. After a long time, the master of those slaves came and settled his accounts with them. The one who had received the five talents came and brought five more, saying, ‘Sir, you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’ His master answered, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You have been faithful in a few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master.’ The one with the two talents also came and said, ‘Sir, you entrusted two talents to me. See, I have gained two more.’ His master answered, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You have been faithful with a few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master.’ Then the one who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Sir, I knew that you were a hard man, harvesting where you did not sow, and gathering where you did not scatter seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. See, you have what is yours.’ But his master answered, ‘Evil and lazy slave! So you knew that I harvest where I didn’t sow and gather where I didn’t scatter? Then you should have deposited my money with the bankers, and on my return I would have received my money back with interest! Therefore take the talent from him and give it to the one who has ten. For the one who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 3 And throw that worthless slave into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth’” (Matthew 25:13-30).
I suppose, simply stated, that we are judged by what we do with the gifts that God has given us. That’s fine as long as we are all playing on a level field. But suppose the field is not level for some. Are they to be judged by the same standards?
According to a National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, conducted by the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, in the U. S., nearly one fifth of that country’s women have been the victim of a sexual assault and 1 in 4 has been the victim of severe physical violence. In addition, 1 in 6 has experienced a stalking that made her fearful or believed that someone close to her would be harmed or killed. More than one million women reported being the victims of a rape or attempted rape in the 12 months preceding the survey. Meanwhile, about one man in seven has experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner at sdome point in his life, and one in 19 has experienced stalking at some point. Remember, this is in a “civilized” country.
How many have been sexually abused at a younger age. I have cited before that about 25% of young people, boys and girls, are victims of sexual abuse? Now add to this the emotional abuse that is inflicted on others that is caused by verbal put downs, alienation, bullying. Pile on the ever increasing number of elder abuse cases. How many suicides can be directly connected to abuse? What is the loss in relationships, self esteem, feelings of self worth? No one person, in the eyes of my creator, is better in any way than another. No one has the right to hurt another person. We have each been given a talent of some kind. Some of us choose not to use that talent. Some cannot even discover that talent or choose to use it because of emotional damage. Surely, this timeless message from the bible has little relevance for many of the abused.
According to another great literary classic, in one of the many sage moments of Harper Lee’s “To Kill A Mockingbird,” Atticus Finch, father of the curious Jem and Scout, his two precocious and adventurous children, directs the following cooments to Scout who was experiencing some difficulty at school. “First of all, if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view - “ ”Sir?” “ - until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Great literature often contains pearls of wisdom and how simple is this advice and yet how difficult to understand, appreciate and live it!
Life can never be easy as there are no guarantees, no long term warranties. There’s only life with all of its trials, its joys and its sorrows. It is unpredictable and full of surprises and that’s why we need to take the precious time that we have to be patient with others, to listen to our friends because isn’t that what a good friend really is - a good listener? Atticus Finch’s message to Scout is a timeless one and, in a world gone mad with personal and societal abuses, is never more appropriate than it is today.

If a Tree Falls in the Forest

2011-12-11T06:08:00.000-08:00

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? It is said that a valid answer is that the tree does not make a sound because the definition of sound is something that you hear. If there is no one there to hear the tree fall, therefore the tree doesn’t make a sound. The first time I heard this puzzle, I was a young man in first year university. At first, I thought well, who the hell cares and what difference does it make anyway? However, like so many experiences of youth that could at that time never be appreciated, eventually it takes on some relevance. This can be explained by referring to the sexual abuse scandals, not only of the Catholic church, but also the Boy Scouts, the Sandusky/Penn State scandal and a Syracuse basketball coach to name but a few. Whether it is the protection of power or the assurance that money can be made, the unspoken code is most definitely keep your mouth shut, close the door and don’t let any of this out. That way, like the tree falling in the forest, because no one knows about it, therefore it does not exist.

How did this code of silence come to be? What is the origin of turning your back on a moral dilemma? My contention is that it has been with us since the beginning of time. In the Catholic church, at the time of Jesus, Peter, the first Pope of the church, when asked by the Roman guards if he knew Jesus, denied knowing him. In fact, he denied knowing him on three occasions, fearing no doubt for his own safety. The apostles who walked with Jesus also abandoned him in his time of need, also no doubt fearing for their own lives. Only the women, Mary Magdalene among them, were the ones who stood by Jesus to the end and it was telling that the angel appeared to Mary in the tomb to tell her that Jesus had risen.

When I was a kid, I was taught that you must never snitch on anyone else who did something wrong. I am convinced that this code is in the DNA of the male species. We are the cowardly ones.

Cardinal O’Connell in 1907 in Boston was leading a double life. He was married secretly and lived his second life under another name. His friend and confessor Father Walsh was also married with a second identity. The Cardinal spent thousands of dollars on his secret life. When he was reported to Pope Benedict XV, the Pope responded by putting the onus back on the American Bishops to discipline him. No one did anything and the Cardinal at his death was honored by thousands of followers. So, even the Pope, in his best imitation of the church’s first Pope, washed his hands of an obvious wrong committed by a prince of the church.

I am not blaming any of these people for the wrong that they do. No one is immune from sin. We are all human and that is the cross we need to bear. We can only pray that some day, justice will be done and the books will be balanced. That is the job of my supreme power. As it says on my favourite license plate, “God is coming and is she ever pissed.”

Teachers and Smiling

2011-12-01T16:13:00.000-08:00

I loved teaching and like to think I was a good teacher. Certainly, I was on the alert for teens who exhibited signs of trouble in their lives and found it relatively easy to feel their pain. I like to think that was part of my character but, grudgingly, I have to admit that, what happened to me as a young boy, likely influenced the way I conducted myself as a teacher.

One year, while in the role of a vice principal, I began to delve into the lives of the most troubled of our students. These were the kids who acted out in class and were sent to me by distraught teachers whose wish, often, was immediate execution of the aberrant youth. Teachers who read this blog, especially administrators, will understand what I mean. More often than not, I would discover that the reason the kid was late for class or why he acted out in class or told the teacher to take a hike was because he was experiencing problems at home. So, suspensions were never the solution, although they did relieve the teacher of stress for a day or two.

The problems at home that affected the work of the youth in school were too many and varied for one person to solve. They required the help of the entire community, something like the African proverb that states that it takes a village to raise a child.

James Baldwin, the African/American writer, once said that problems are multilayered. For example, if the father is being unjustly bossed by a superior, he will often come home and take it out on his wife or his children or his dog. When that person is punished unjustly, he or she will find, in turn, his or her own culprit on which to exact their frustration. I'm not sure about the dog. Maybe he will pee on the rug. In any case, what is the answer? Is there a solution for the frustrations of the student, the teacher or the parents?

I remember an old neighbour who once told me that when you are around teens, always smile. If you look too serious and happen to glance their way, they might very well challenge you by asking what you are looking at. This is good advice but the answer to a happy and productive teen is obviously much more complex for as long as there is one bad apple in the village, the child's future is in jeopardy. That may be a bad teacher, a scout leader, an aunt or an uncle or a sibling or even a parent. Every one who comes into contact with a young person is a teacher of that person and unless everyone with whom he or she comes into contact, that is, all of the teachers, are offering encouragement and building the self confidence and self esteem of that young person, then the ultimate outcome is in question.

A most memorable student of mine was one who had left his home in grade eight as he could no longer tolerate living in a house where his older brother and mother used drugs together every day. Instead, this young man took to the streets but fortunately was noticed by a teacher who took him under his wing. Ultimately, this young man's village included all of his teachers, the principal and the counsellors in the school. Together, they helped to turn his life around and eventually, going from failing grades to high marks, he entered college, graduated and became a graphic designer.

So, who are the teachers of your children? Get to know them and work with them. Together, you can create a village that will allow that person to thrive and grow and pass on his or her goodness to others. And remember, at the very least, the words of Mother Teresa, "The world would be a much better place if everyone smiled more. So smile...be joyous that God loves you."

An Interesting Parallel From SNAP

2011-11-22T10:29:00.000-08:00

SNAP: The parallels between recent sex abuse cases are disturbing
Statement by Barbara Dorris, Outreach Director of SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAPdorris@gmail.com, 314-503-0003)

The parallels that can be drawn between the scandal at the Citadel and the situation at Penn State are disturbing.

At both institutions, a man in a position of authority and influence used his status to approach, groom, and ultimately molest young boys. At both institutions, reports were made to the predator's superiors that something wrong was happening. And at both institutions, these superiors failed to act. Through their efforts to protect the name and reputations of their respective institutions, officials at PSU and the Citadel allowed more children to be victimized.

What is most disturbing about these scandals, however, is that they are not new or unheard of. Rather, these are a recent reiteration of the same type of cover-up that has plagued other organizations that held their reputations above the safety of children; institutions like the Boy Scouts of America, the Church of Latter Day Saints, and to a much greater extent, the Catholic Church.

What is different about PSU and the Citadel, however, is that the outside reaction - from parents, alumni, community members, and the media - has been visceral. These people have rightly been outraged, and heads have rolled because of their public outcry.

Yet we see no such outcry with the church. On the contrary, people have jumped to defend the priests that have been accused of molesting young boys and girls, and moved quickly to attempt to discredit those who came forward, citing misnomers as "this abuse occurred so long ago, get over it," "you're in it for the money, "and "if you were actually abused, what took you so long to come forward?"

The issue with this type of reaction is not only that it is mean-spirited, but it deters others who may have seen or suspected clergy abuse from coming forward, and it deters the type of public outrage that have shamed PSU and the Citadel, and therefore, the repercussions that come with it.

So we applaud the reaction from community members and share in their outrage at the officials at the Citadel. Through their inaction, they allowed this predator to change hunting grounds - moving from the university to a local high school - and avoid responsibility, in the same way that the Catholic church has done for so long. We hope that a full investigation is launched in order to determine who knew what, and when exactly they knew it, and we urge that this investigation be undertaken by outside authorities. We also call on Citadel President John Rosa to do real outreach, and do everything within his power to beg others who may have been victimized or seen these crimes occur to come forward, get help, start healing, and tell their story.

(SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, is the world's oldest and largest support group for clergy abuse victims. Founded in 1988, we now have more than 10,000 members. Despite the word "priest" in our title, we have members who were molested by religious figures of all denominations, including nuns, rabbis, bishops, and Protestant ministers. Our website is SNAPnetwork.org)

Contact David Clohessy (314-566-9790 cell, SNAPclohessy@aol.com), Barbara Blaine (312-399-4747, SNAPblaine@gmail.com), Barbara Dorris (314-862-7688 home, 314-503-0003 cell, SNAPdorris@gmail.com)

The Citadel faces abuse scandal similar to Penn State's

There's a story unfolding in Charleston, S.C., that sounds depressingly similar to the scandal that has rocked Penn State University.

Officials at The Citadel, "the military college of South Carolina," are admitting they did not do enough after learning that a man in custody in Mount Pleasant, S.C., who has been accused of sexually abusing at least five boys in recent years, was brought to the school's attention in 2007. Then, school officials were told, he had engaged in inappropriate sexual activities with boys during a summer camp at the college in 2002. An internal investigation was done, but police were never informed.

"As an institution responsible for delivering tomorrow's leaders, we hold The Citadel to a higher standard," Citadel President Gen. John Rosa said Monday. "We tell cadets to go beyond enforcing rules - to do what's right. We are confronted with an investigation from 2007 in which I do not believe we met that standard."

The school has retained outside consultants "to review the procedures that the college followed in this matter and recommend how we can improve our capacity to protect those living, learning, and working at The Citadel," Rosa added.

Louis "Skip" ReVille, 32, a Citadel alum, is accused of sexually abusing boys he coached in Mount Pleasant. In 2007, as Charleston's Post and Courier reports, Citadel officials were told by a suspected victim that five years earlier ReVille had invited him and other boys to a dorm room on campus. ReVille, the boy said, showed them pornography and encouraged them to masturbate. The boy was 14 years old at the time.

ReVille went on to become a school principal and coach in Mount Pleasant. Local WCSC-TV reports that investigators say he now has "confessed to charges he sexually molested teen boys, aged 13 to 15."

At Penn State, former assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky has been accused of sexually abusing at least eight boys over more than a decade, sometimes on campus. And school officials have been accused of not informing authorities, even though they had been warned by witnesses of Sandusky's alleged crimes. Sandusky says he's innocent.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2011/11/15/142349930/the-citadel-faces-abuse-scandal-similar-to-penn-states?ps=rs

Barbara Dorris
Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests

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World peace and child abuse

2011-11-20T07:42:00.000-08:00

I attended a Remembrance Day service at Colonel John McCrae's house in Guelph. The minister who spoke reminded us how our veterans, those long gone and those still with us, served our country so that we could have peace.

Theo Fleury says that the abuse of young people is the biggest epidemic on the planet, citing that 25% of children, 1 in 3 girls and 2 in 5 boys, have been victims of abuse. Each one of you knows someone who has been abused. Perhaps, even you have been abused. What effect do these amazing statistics have on the development of peace?

I often think about that because to attain peace in one's life, we need to be free of worry, anxiety and strife. We also know that a number of those who have been abused will themselves be abusers. Some will turn to self destructive behaviour and, in an effort to lose themselves and ease the pain, will resort to drugs and alcohol. I have attended AA meetings and CA (cocaine anonymous) meetings and I have listened to so many sad stories of abuse. I have attended the SNAP convention, an acronym for survivors' network for those abused by priests, an organization that has over 10,000 members worldwide and heard incredibly tragic stories from both young and old. When I spoke about my own experiences to a group in a local church, I was astonished at the number of people who came to me after to confide that they too had been abused. They asked me what they could do. Honestly, I told them to seek professional help as I could only suggest what worked for me.

But what do the alcoholics and drug addicts and those who have been abused have in common? One comforting sign is to see how, in their respective assemblies, they are a comfort to one another. They have found someone who was enduring the same pain, experiencing the same effects and perhaps for the first time, as happened to me in Chicago at the SNAP convention, they were in the company of others who had walked in their shoes. They no longer felt alone. Unless we have peace in our own hearts, we can never pass that peace to others - our children, our families, our friends and our neighbours. Furthermore, we will never have the world peace that our soldiers so bravely fought for.

Each one of these groups has in common a belief in a higher power and no matter what happens to us personally, that higher power is always there. Some of us are so angry that we blame our problems on that higher power as if that is where the blame should truly lie. In order to have peace in my life, I need to embrace this higher power. I call her God. I have already explained why my God is female. Furthermore, I need to eliminate the middle man and develop a closer, more personal relationship with God. I need to ask Her to give me strength and courage, for love and ultimately peace in my own soul. And that is not easy. In fact, if I continue to be angry with God and blame Her for my troubles, it is impossible.

I am only one out of 25% who has been abused. In Canada alone, that figure hovers around 8 million people! Could that really be true? If it is, how astronomical is this figure worldwide? If all who have been abused could ever attain peace in their own lives, what an enormous impact that would then have on world peace! Make a pursuit of peace in your own life a priority and then together we can make this planet a happier place in which to live.

Papal Response

2011-11-16T12:56:00.000-08:00

For this submission, I give you the response I received from the Pope's delegate, William Cardinal Levada. The letterhead reads Congregatio Pro Doctrina Fidei which, if I remember correctly, is Congregation for the doctrine of faith.

Dear Mr. Hills,

As head of the Vatican Congregation that handles cases involving the abuse of minors, I wish to acknowledge your letter, addressed to the Holy Father, and received in this office on 30 September 2011.

I would like to thank you for taking the time to put your thoughts and experiences into written form. Please know that many significant steps have been taken by the Church over the past several years to address the wound of sexual abuse of minors. I would refer you to the Vatican website (www.vatican.va) for a detailed list. In short, the Church is unable to tolerate the abuse of minors, be it by clergy or laity, and is working diligently in dealing with past offenders and in the area of prevention.

Please know that I and many priests pray daily for the healing of all the victims of abuse. Please be assured that our prayers will continue.

Asking the Lord to abundantly bless you and your family, I am

Sincerely Yours in the Lord

William Cardinal Levada

From me: I ask, if you are so inclined, to write letters to Cardinal Levada. Also, check out the Vatican website.

Be More Like a Woman!

2011-11-10T13:40:00.000-08:00

Why is it that I have an easier time trusting a woman more than a man? I suppose the fact that I was sexually abused by a man would have something to do with that. However, I know men who have been sexually abused by women. But that is not my reality. Even considering this fact, there is still something about the inherent nature of a woman that makes her a nobler person in my opinion. I do believe that all people are born with a natural compass that is designed to lead them back to their creator. Further, when that natural compass is tampered with, as is the case in abuse situations, a person then loses the natural state given to him/her at birth and their future development can and often is impeded and altered by tragic situations. Such is the case with the abused person. There are few exceptions to this reality.

Having said that, the natural state of a woman is what we should be aspiring to achieve. One need only to look at wars and the great conflicts throughout history. Who, for the most part, has been in authority? Of course, there are many examples of evil women historically but they have been disproportionately outnumbered by men. It has taken the world too long to recognize the significance of the female in the social structure.

In Canada, one outstanding historical date is Oct. 28, 1929 for it was on that day that the British Privy Council declared that women were indeed persons and allowed to be members of the Senate of Canada. It was not until 1960 that all Canadian women regardless of racial origin were allowed to vote! It seems that the the Gospel messages have long been lost on the populace. In fact, were they ever heeded? "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:28

Given that the gospels were written so many centuries past, it would seem that since women are now persons in the eyes of the law and have the right to vote, at least politically we are moving closer to God's intended kingdom. But not so fast! Slavery is still among us in the selling of young children and women into the sex trade. There are still many who are imprisoned by their parents who are still tied to archaic laws and can't break from the paternalism that has dominated their beliefs for centuries. We know that religious differences have too often been the cause for tragic wars with the slaughter of too many innocents. So, I should qualify my statement by saying that we are fortunate to be living in Canada where the woman has the right to vote, to hold office and to be a member of our senate. Other countries, obviously, are not so fortunate.

Recently, in reading a biography of Mary Magdalene by Bruce Chilton, the author of Rabbi Jesus, again I was made to realize how denigrated the female has been over the years. Some say that Mary was not given a prominent role in the Gospels because of her gender while others cite the women's status of servility and their inferior position in the social strata for not being described as the important disciple of Jesus that she was.

Love seems to come more naturally to women and I know from personal life experiences that love always triumphs over hatred and despair. Contrary to Professor Higgins in "My Fair Lady", I ask "why can't a man be more like a woman?"

Women Priests and Child Abuse

2011-10-30T07:14:00.001-07:00

I was born a Catholic and I will die a Catholic. I don't like it when non Catholics criticize my church but it's okay if I do. I suppose it's like an outsider criticizing your brother or sister. It is okay for a sibling to do that but watch out if an outsider dares to criticize. No institution is without fault and that is because human beings are always at the controls, in positions of authority. Since no one is perfect, therefore no institution can be perfect. Having said that, I need to make further comment on the Catholic church, my church.

In Grace Walker's book "Women are Defective Males," she notes that Thomas Aquinas, regarded by many as the church's greatest theologian and philosopher, believed..."A female is deficient and unintentionally caused. For the active power of the semen always seeks to produce a thing completely like itself, something male. So, if a female is produced, this must be because the semen is weak or because the material (provided by the mother) is unsuitable, or because the action of some external factor such as the winds from the south which make the atmosphere humid. Therefore, woman is a defective male." Further, "it can be argued that women should not have formed part of the world as it was initally created. For Aristotle says that a female is an occasioned male. But it would be wrong for something occasioned and (hence) deficient to be part of the initial creation. Therefore women should not have been part of that world.""Summa Theologica" is Aquinas' best known work and is the source of these quotations.

I don't know the extent of Aquinas' thinking on Catholic doctrine but he is undeniably part of the Catholic theological family tree. Does this help to explain why women are not allowed to be priests? Some would say that the reason is because Jesus was a man and his disciples were men and the first Pope of the church was a man. On the contrary, there were many young women among Jesus' followers, my favourite being Mary Magdalene. After Christ's burial, it was the women who stood by him, were the first to discover that he had left the tomb, the rest of the apostles having scattered lest they be identified as Jesus' friends. It was Peter, the first Pope of the church, who denied knowing Christ on three separate occasions, perhaps fearing for his own safety if he should identify himself as Jesus' disciple. Jesus lived in a paternalistic society. Further, learning and internalizing the outrageous type of thinking typified by Aquinas might help to explain that among some priests there is a sense of entitlement, that God made them, the male gender, the perfect species and because of a special calling to become a priest, God's representatrive on earth, the priest may feel a cut above the rest of us. Do you see the danger in this?

As one who was sexually abused by a Catholic priest, it helps me to understand a little more the cultural environment, the petri dish, that helps to encourage the practice of clerical pedophilia. In fairness, many fine priests escape this sensibility, perhaps lending a deaf ear to the teaching of the church's greatest theologian. But others, who are sick mentally to begin with, feeling comfortable in this environment, no doubt thrive and see this as an opportunity to satisfy their uncontrollable urges with the imprimatur of their stunned and silent colleagues.

Does this help to explain why so many priests over the years have chosen to leave the priesthood? Who could withstand that kind of pressure? Many do know what some of their colleagues were up to but chose to be silent.

What can the church do to eradicate pedophile priests and guarantee that only the very best candidates will receive the sacrament of Holy Orders? First, have each candidate undergo psychological testing to determine stability and characteristic tendencies. Second, provide them with role models who think and act like Jesus. This can be done by studying the work of Mother Teresa, for example, who says that God will judge us by how we have adhered to the beatitudes as presented by Jesus in the world's greatest homily, the Sermon on the Mount. Third, get rid of the archaic philosophies and philosophers by not using them at all or by pointing out the potential dangers of adopting and expounding such ludicrous and illogical ideas. We live in a different environment and are more enlightened, some would say, in our thinking. Fourth, allow women to be ordained as Catholic priests. It's time.

Range of Emotions

2011-10-21T06:08:00.000-07:00

It is now clear to me, after surviving our court week last June, that the the trauma of childhood sexual abuse is like other serious crises in that it generates a wide spectrum of emotions ranging from, among others, anger, feelings of betrayal, confusion or bewilderment, isolation, hatred, extreme despair and depression, suicidal thoughts, sadness, acceptance and forgiveness. Alcohol and drugs help to suppress these feelings but never eliminate them as most of us know from personal experience. Before this trauma occurred, each one of the victims knew nothing of these emotional responses, however, for they were beyond our world of experience and comprehension. However, what happened to each one of us can never be reversed nor will it ever be forgotten.
As victims, we now understand these emotions. Some are at the far end of the spectrum and have acceptance and relative calm in their lives. Some can actually forgive while others are still mired in the anger stage and, in fact, can never see themselves in a position of forgiveness. Incidentally, although I may have a relative calm in my life at this point, there are still times when I become angry at what happened to me 58 years ago! When we met in the adjoining room in the courthouse in Windsor before leaving to go our separate ways, I cried like a baby and at the time could not understand why I did so. I now believe my outburst was directly related to the anguish, the anxiety, and the whole range of emotions that swept over us all. But I need to tell you that this is how I now feel.
No matter what happens in this lifetime, as a friend has reminded me, God is still God and Jesus is still Jesus. These are the only truths we need to embrace and they are the only two role models we truly need. Although Jesus was scourged, crowned with thorns, spat upon and publicly humiliated, when he was dying on the cross, he asked his heavenly Father to "Forgive them, Father, for they know what they do." When he was asked how we should pray, he taught us the Lord's prayer which, in part, says "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Jesus wants us to forgive. So, not to do so is to align ourselves with our perpetrator who has truly been an instrument of evil and an agent of the devil. I don't choose to be on his side and I refuse to take out my anger on God. Nelson Mandela, after leaving his cell after 27 years of unjust confinement, forgave his persecutors saying that "forgiveness liberates the soul." Another reason that I pray that forgiveness will come to me and to each one of the victims eventually is for the sake of my family and loved ones. When I suffer, they suffer; when I mourn, they mourn; when I am angry, they too are angry. They share my feelings and support me in this way. I don't want them to be sad or angry any more. They have long lives ahead of them, families to raise and they need to be able to pass on calm and peace to their little ones. They do not need to pass on my garbage.
My prayer for all of the victims of child abuse is that we may come to a place of peace in our lives, that we can then forgive this agent of evil and focus our attention on the divine force to which we all will be eventually summoned.

What Would Jesus Do?

2011-10-16T10:01:00.000-07:00

When the sexual abuse scandals of the church are reported on and discussed, all clergy are unfortunately tarred with the same brush. A priest recently confided in me that he is self conscious and aware of public stares as he enters a hospital to visit the sick, almost hearing an observer saying, "I wonder if he is one of those." No, it is not fair for all priests to be tarred with the same brush. I agree but the crucifixion of Christ also was not fair. What we all need to realize is that whenever we take a stand on any public issue, we will have both supporters and detractors. That's life. Having said that, many will debate that pedophilia is a genetic disorder while others will argue that it is a learned affliction. It is not my intention to indulge in that debate because, frankly, to me it doesn't matter. Once molested by a pedophile, the damage is done and life long consequences will ensue. However, I do think that the environment in which that sick person lives can encourage or discourage his or her behaviour. To that end, the Catholic church must shoulder much of the responsibility. It is widely reported that the pedophile priest offender is often transferred from one parish to another or from one school to another in the case of a teacher/priest. Thomas Doyle, a canon lawyer/priest and a strong advocate of social justice, along with Patrick Wall, an ex Franciscan who had been employed by the church as a fixer in abuse cases, collaborated in writing "Sex, Priests and Secret Codes: The Catholic Church's 2,000 Year Paper Trail of Sexual Abuse." They say, "Victims have never been accorded compassionate pastoral treatment commensurate with the grievous emotional and spiritual damage done to them by sexually abusive clerics and the church's leaders." Further, "clergy sexual abuse of minors and vulnerable adults has been denied and hidden by bishops and popes who have consistently acted in a conspiratorial manner to prevent instances of abuse from becoming publicly known, especially to law-enforcement authorities." When I informed my pastor of my intention to pursue civil action, his immediate response was wondering what the editorial page would look like and what further attacks would the Catholic church have to endure. To him and to others of like minds I say ask yourselves this question: what would Jesus do? Also, my fellow victims have related stories of how when they were being abused, other priests would "accidentally" drop into that very room, see what was happening and then withdraw from that room without further response. I never question how these events can happen because I know they are evil and demonic deeds, the work of the devil. To priests everywhere, I say that whenever you put on the Roman collar of a priest, you must be prepared for public scrutiny and in many cases hurtful criticism. There is no more blind and unquestioned loyalty to the cloth. Your lot is nothing compared with what Jesus, your role model, had to endure. Think about him. He was publicly scourged, crowned with thorns, spit upon, mocked and ridiculed and finally crucified. You may also recall his response, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." Now, none of what I have said excuses the behaviour of these demonic pedophile priests but the lack of positive action of the church and its members, the tendency to see the problem in personal terms and not in those of the victims must be seen as part of the environmental culture, a major contributing factor to the existence of pedophiles within their ranks.

The Homer Simpson Solution

2011-10-13T06:24:00.000-07:00

Tom Haberer, a fellow victim, in his statement of claim, wishes that he could relive his high school years in a normal way. In other words, he feels that he was robbed of being normal as a teen and for some inexplicable reason feels a sense of shame for what happened to him. In saying this and in feeling this way, Tom captures the way each one of the victims feels. Why is this? What happened to us that changed our lives forever? In my statement of claim, I mentioned that by being sexually abused, my soul had been violated and that a piece of it had been stolen by the perpetrator. I also mentioned that I was in court that day to recover the soul that had been taken from me. In fact, we will never be able to relive our adolescent years and our violated souls will never be restored, at least not in this lifetime. I understand the feelings of shame and guilt of all the victims. It is something that we share in common, something that bonds us in ways only understood by those who have experienced a similar fate.
That great American philopsopher, Homer Simpson, suggests that the best way to get over a problem is to stuff it into your gut and cover it over with food and beer. Every victim of abuse has tried to do this in a variety of ways and each has been affected by their abuse in similar ways. Some have turned to drugs and alcohol while others have struggled with suicidal thoughts. Some have had multiple relationships while battling long periods of depression, dealing with severe mood swings. Some lack social skills, often preferring to withdraw from social interaction. Some have low self esteem and are no longer able to maintain meaningful employment. Fits of anger and complete withdrawal are common afflictions. Having admitted to all of that, each time we exhibit the slightest symptom of being abused we acknowledge what that man did to us and each time we do that we allow him to have the last laugh. This has to stop.
These are all negative and counter productive symptoms. They have been loosed from our Pandora's box and the only way we can cram all of these ills back into their encasement or as Homer would say "stuff it back into our gut" is to replace them with positive energy. Each day, let's allow ourselves to think about and dwell on one positive in our lives. It may be our families, some specific member of our family. It could be the family dog, the feeling of joy when we see him run for his toys when we enter the house. It could be reconnecting with an old friend, the warmth of a sunny day, the change of colours in the Fall, the first signs of Spring with the return of the robins, the tulips busting through the recently frozen ground.
I say this, knowing too well that if I don't continue to do this often enough, those little demons will slowly begin to rear their ugly heads once again. I also acknowledge that it can be wearisome to be always on the alert but hopefully over time newer and better living habits will emerge. Our common sadness may never be fully erased but each time we laugh or smile, we win a small battle. I want to survive long enough to see my grandchildren graduate from their schools and I know I won't do that if I allow negativity a prominent place in my life.

Creator, Creativity and Chance

2011-10-07T05:53:00.000-07:00

When you look at a baby, you see innocence, beauty and vulnerability. A baby is like clay to a sculptor. The moment that baby is born its life begins to take shape. Given an environment of love and caring, that baby will grow to be a happy, well adjusted teenager and a productive and positive adult. Given an abusive environment, there is no forecasting what will become of that infant. We are all born with a natural compass which, in the Christian sense, if applied uniterruptedly throughout our lives, will lead us back to our creator. When it is tampered with, as it is in abuse cases, the results can be and often are disastrous.
According to statistics from the United Nations, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by age 17. According to the World Health Organization, approximately 40 million children worldwide are subject to some kind of abuse (physical, sexual, emotional) every year. Further, suicide is the third leading cause of death in adolescents worldwide. In ages 15-24, there are 7.9 suicides/100,000. In New York city in 2003, there was a population of 19,190,115. With these stats, that equates to 1,300 suicides in that city alone. In Canada, the population in 2009 was 33,739.900. In our own country, that equates to about 2,000 suicides in that one year.
Being a teenager is a difficult time for anyone. In addition to the raging hormones and adolescent acne, it is a time when no one understands you, a time when relationships with parents in particular are strained, a time for your first love and the suffering of broken hearts, a time when, for a boy, you could never understand girls nor your own evolution into adulthood. But there can be more to it than that. Suppose, you had been brought up, as had I, to have unquestioned faith in the clergy, to trust without question anything your priest had to say. Further, imagine that you were taught that the priest was no mere mortal; in fact, he was next to God. More than that, he was God's representative here on earth. Imagine also that you were also taught never to question your faith but always accept the church's teaching without exception. That is exactly how I was brought up and I was always true to my upbringing in all respects. If you add abuse to this mix, then these are the elements of a potentially explosive formula. And it was the interaction of these elements that caused me to contemplate suicide in my teenage years on three separate occasions. As a teen, my faith in priests had been violated. Besides, I had been taught that suicide was a mortal sin. In fact, victims of suicide were not even allowed to be buried in a Catholic cemetary. Thank God, today we are a little more enlightened.
I could tell no one of my abuse when I was a teen. I believe what saved me, ironically, was my faith for in my darkest moments, I cried out to God to help me and keep me alive until I could make sense of what happened. After my abuse, I was stunned, confused and totally isolated from my normal reality. I had become a survival expert and an expert in hiding my feelings. But I have to thank my creator who kept me alive long enough to meet a very special person for it was my wife who loved me unconditionally, never knowing of my background. She instilled confidence in me, taught me the real meaning of love and willingly sacrificed so much of her life to lead me back to some semblance of normalcy. She taught me that love always triumphs over despair and negativity. How blessed I have been! Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Pedophile/teachers

2011-10-02T16:51:00.000-07:00

"Teachers entitled to due process", an editorial in the Toronto Star, states that the presidents of three Ontario's teachers federation "abhor the behaviour" outlined in the Toronto Star's expose of teacher/sexual deviants. Further, the article states "that even one instance of reprehensible behaviour is too many" and that they work with their members to achieve the outcome of having the most capable teachers in the classroom. If that is true, then why don't they have the teachers charged with the crimes of sexual misconduct and turf them out of the system altogether? Instead, due process means launching laborious, union inspired, beaureaucratic investigations and in many instances moving the miscreants to other schools, no doubt thinking that a change of scenery will correct their behaviour. Honestly, I don't know what the teacher authorities are thinking but I do know that they should have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to teacher pedophiles. When I began my teaching career years ago, I advocated for teachers to be given psychological testing every five years because I knew from personal experience that teachers, in a position of authority, could easily take advantage of the young in their charge. Well into my own teaching career, I recall learning of the existence of a pedophile teacher who was employed by the same Board as I and informing the Director of Education of my concerns. In retrospect, I should have called the police and I will forever regret that I did not. In any case, the Director did nothing. In fact, a few years later that same person was made a vice principal and ultimately was charged with child molestation. Unfortunately, he died of cancer before coming to justice. This same mentality exists within the Catholic church as we now know that pedophile priests were moved from one parish to another and pedophile priest/teachers were moved from one school to another. Surely this attitude only serves to support and nurture these demonic acts. Our society is not decisive enough in dealing with sexual miscreants. In any occupation or business where adults are in a position of authority over young people, clearly defined rules must be in place and where sexual deviancy surfaces, it must be stamped out by immediate dismissal and police authorities must be involved. That, to me, is due process.

Faith and Sexual Abuse

2011-09-24T15:56:00.000-07:00

Some ask me why I still attend church. The short answer is that I have learned to separate the human from the divine and I need the sacraments. I was reminded recently from the pulpit that the decisions we make here on earth will have eternal consequences. For that reason, I found myself thinking about the principle characters directly involved in the crucifixion of Christ. What motivated them in making the choices they did? Pontius Pilate, the governor, wanted to release Jesus but the citizens called for his crucifixion. What gets into people? The story of Christ's crucifixion is full of lessons from which we can all learn.
To a certain extent, our lives appear to be mapped out for us just as Jesus' last days were fulfilled according to the prophecies. Someone was destined to betray Jesus. Judas Iscariot was to be that person. He betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. This was the same man, a disciple of Jesus, who witnessed many of his miracles. He walked with the Lord and saw His greatness. He listened to His sermons and literally saw God in action. And yet he betrayed Him. How could this have happened?
As Christians, we believe that from the beginning of time there has been a battle between Satan and God, a battle for our eternal souls. When Jesus went to the mountain and fasted for forty days and forty nights, Satan did all he could to tempt him. He even offered Jesus the kingdoms of the world with all of their wealth and all of their glory. What was Jesus' answer? "No one can serve both God and wealth." So the lines of this everlasting battle were clearly drawn. Whose side was Judas on? It should be noted that Judas, his conscience weighing heavily on his shoulders, returned the money and shortly thereafter, obviously full of remorse, hanged himself.
Would you say that Judas is in Heaven or in Hell? Today, if someone commits suicide, it is generally agreed that such a person is suffering from a mental illness and is not considered to be responsible for his or her actions. Therefore, I think it is very likely that Judas is with God in Heaven because, as we have so often been taught, God is love and God is all about forgiveness.
What about Saint Peter, the first Pope of the Catholic church? What fate awaited him? After vigorously protesting to the thought uttered by Jesus that he would deny knowing Him, Peter did just that, on three separate occasions! He turned his back on God, in the same way that Judas did. He too walked with Christ and witnessed His greatness firsthand.
What about the women in Christ's life? His disciples sneaked away lest they be counted among Jesus' friends and be crucified along with Him. At the end, only the women, including Mary Magdalene, remained. This battle between good and evil continues to this day and no doubt will be with us for all time.
Now, I have to say that I have known many great priests and clergy, men and women who have performed countless acts of mercy in the name of God. But I have also known others whose lives have been caught up in a web of deceit, maybe before they even realized what was happening.
I am critical of those who take advantage of the young and of those who turn a blind eye when they know that their colleagues are performing despicable deeds on those in their charge. Why do they do such things? Why did Pontius Pilate turn Christ over to the crowd to be crucified? Why did Peter deny knowing Christ? Maybe there is some truth in the offhand adage that "the devil made me do it." The devil must be very clever, indeed, because he has obviously infiltrated the lives of once good people and like a cancer has corrupted their values and steered them in the direction that he wants them to go. Like the prey that they seek, they have become easy prey for the devil.
I am critical of church officials and the hierarchy of my church who refuse to take responsibility for the heinous and demonic acts of those in their charge. I am looking for my church and for others to openly accept responsibility for their actions, to issue a public apology and to reach out to the victims of sexual crimes with loving hearts. I do not blame God for what happened to me or for any of the evil in the world. Like Christians worldwide, Jesus is my role model. I don't always live up to His standards but I do try.
I believe in the power of love. In Les Miserables, there is a line in one of the songs that states that "to love someone is to see the face of God." I see that face in those close to me, in my wife first and foremost and always, of course, in my children and grandchildren. I also adhere to the words of the gospel, according to Matthew: 6:24 - "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and wealth."

The Wound That Never Heals

2011-09-17T17:11:00.000-07:00

Where can you go to get away from the cell phone? It is rampantly and abundantly evident everywhere, in the malls, in the schools, in the workplace, in public at every possible venue. Teens would be lost without it. They are experiencing hormonal explosions and, in most cases, are driven to their peers who are experiencing the same phenomenon. The cell phone is their security lifeline, their umbilical cord, that allows them to be heard by others and to listen to them also. In most cases, I believe these phones, although at times a distraction and a nuisance, help the teen cope with growing spurts and adolescent confusion and frustration. All teens experience bumps along the road as they evolve towards adulthood. If they have a supportive and understanding family, good friends they can depend on, and if they can avoid any kind of abnormal disruption, then they will surely emerge from their teen years as happy and productive adults. When a teen is abused, however, whether it be sexual, physical or emotional, his or her natural compass is disrupted. Now, besides dealing with the normal crises of adolescence, they must find a way to deal with the oppressive pressures of an abnormal disruption. They must learn how to survive. What can they do? They can withdraw into themselves. For certain, they will become sullen and non communicative. They will feel like loners as who could possibly understand or help them. In short, they will become disconnected from their peers and they will seek the company of others who, like them, have had their own natural compasses tampered with. If they can not find help, someone to show them how to steady their tumultuous lives, with a roller coaster of emotions, their thoughts will often turn to self destruction as the feelings of helplessness and isolation and loneliness can become completely overwhelming. They have lost their cell phone, their lifeline to the outside world; gone is their umbilical cord and they begin to feel that no one could possibly understand their feelings. Because, unlike the modern teenager who is seconds away from connecting to a friend, the troubled teen has been disconnected from the person he or she was meant to be and is often left with a feeling of utter despair. That is why sexual, physical or emotional abuse is a heinous crime and that is why it causes a wound that never heals.

Balance

2011-09-12T15:10:00.000-07:00

This week I write not about the subject of child abuse but about balance and what it means to me. It means not obsessing on one topic, not giving it undue attention to the exclusion of other subjects of interest, not forgetting that there are other objects of attention that could and should occupy my time, thoughts and energy. I am not always able to practice what I preach as this is a concept that has been so difficult for me to learn. Like the double faced masks of tragedy and comedy depicting theatrical themes, laughter must also have its hour upon the stage. So, I enjoy my grandchildren. Matthew, an eleven year old, discovered and fell in love with baseball this summer. I was happy to take him to the local batting cage and teach him a few basic hitting techniques. I rejoiced when he hit his first home run and chuckled when I saw him reach into his back pocket while waiting on deck and fish out a supply of sunflower seeds, just like the pros. I loved watching his younger sister, Sarah, play soccer and was overjoyed to see how proud her dad was when she prevented a goal with her great defensive play. I love playing ball with my dog in the local park. He runs with such unbridled joy! I am reading daily now and enjoy a good mystery or a human interest story. I enjoy a game of bridge with my wife and love the game of golf, a game I have never mastered and refuse to take seriously. I enjoy theatrical performances, recently seeing My Fair Lady at the Shaw Festival, made more enjoyable with my wife and two grandchildren. I always enjoy eating, especially at this time of year with the fresh corn, tomatoes, watermelon and peaches. I love reconnecting with old friends. Soon, I will be spending some time with two high school buddies at a cottage and who knows? We might even go fishing. I really enjoyed spending time with my two cousins, Doreen and Marion, inseparable sisters and partners in devilment. I love to write poetry, short stories and the writing of my first novel, Sherwood Park, was sheer happiness for me. I am writing another novel now but I don't think about finishing it. I just think about doing it. So, unlike earlier years when I endured many long days and sometimes weeks of anxiety and depression and could think of nothing but my abuse problem, I have learned the importance of balance. It will never erase the reality of my childhood abuse and its lifelong effects but bouts of depression and anxiety are less frequent and life is a happier experience for me.

Patrick

2011-09-05T06:44:00.000-07:00

Patrick is a relatively young victim of child abuse. In fact he is the second youngest who came forward in Windsor. Also, Patrick is the young man who was the first to lay a charge against Marshall. We all owe him a tremendous debt of gratitude for having the courage to do what he did because the others, like me, likely thought that they were the only victims. It is said that, for every victim who comes forward, there are ten others still out there. There are others, among the victims, who know that the number is even greater. Through research, I have learned that every minute of every day, somewhere in the world, a child is being abused. When I launched my book initially, how many people from the audience came to me after and confided that they too had been abused! Marshall's victims now know that they are not alone, thanks to Patrick. Patrick's parents, Beverley and Robert, were extremely loyal Catholics who opened their home to Marshall and other priests. It was a home where the clergy could come, remove their collars and relax. Marshall befriended them and spent days and nights in their house. He abused Patrick in his bedroom, next to his parents', in his own house! He baptized their children! He celebrated mass in their new home and paraded with the consecrated host from room to room, blessing each room, including Patrick's bedroom, the scene of his criminal act, as he did so. He was Patrick's godfather at his confirmation and called him his godson! What a devious, demonic, heinous and unimaginable act of betrayal! Patrick's parents have lost their faith in the Catholic Church and in the sacrament of Holy Orders. Is it any wonder? I am convinced that what happened to Patrick and to the rest of us was an act engineered by the devil for a just and loving God would never allow such a despicable and senseless tragey to occur. Patrick has a beautiful and loving wife and two beautiful young daughters. I pray that he continue to have the courage he showed in being the first complainant and face every day knowing that he has the love, respect and support of his family and so many others whose life he has touched, including mine, by being so courageous. I pray that he continue to face life with this courage, with optimism for his own sake and for the sake of his wife and his two beautiful young daughters who need and deserve their daddy.

A Special Guy

2011-08-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

I am not forgetting about my friends in Sudbury, fellow victims. One, in particular, I would like to tell you about. When all of the victims met with the crown attorney on the day before we were to read our impact statements, the crown attorney asked us if we would like to have a ban on our names. Personally, I wanted my name out there because I felt that it was another part of staring down the demon. I wanted to show no fear of my perpetrator, the same one I did fear when I was a young teenager. Denis, to his credit, was adamant that his name be out there. This is the same man who, at the age of twelve and in grade nine, was abused by Marshall. Unlike others, myself included, he chose to tell everyone what happened but no one would believe him. In fact, his principal called him to his office and informed him that he was being expelled for spreading rumours about his abuser. Forty odd years later, he finally has his opportunity for exoneration. Marshall pleaded guilty to all of the charges laid against him. He was now a convicted pedophile and my Sudbury friend finally had to be believed. I applaud him for his guts and his persistence and his insistence to have his name publicized. And people wonder why those who have been abused are angry.

A Papal Letter

2011-08-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

The following is the letter which I sent to the Pope. I encourage others who read this blog to do something similar, perhaps a letter to your pastor or the Bishop in your area. We must not allow this issue to be put on the back burner. Keep the heat on. The safety of your children and grandchildren in their churches and in their schools is too important to ignore this issue.

Your Holiness

As a victim of a pedophile priest, I am writing you to express my opinion and expressed desire on the subject of laicization. I think it most appropriate that I begin with a quote from Matthew: "And whoever receives one such little child for my sake, receives me. But whoever causes one of these little ones to sin, it were better for him to have a millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Matthew, 18:5,6

Ultimately, it is God who will judge us all. My aim in writing you is to ask you to do what you can to keep our schools and churches, throughout the world, safe for our children and our grandchildren. As you believe and as most Christians believe, each one of God's children has a part to play in God's plan. When a child is abused, his natural, God-given compass is tampered with and he becomes destined to live other than was intended by our Creator. In short, when a child is abused, the abuser has altered God's plan. In my case, I never reached my potential, so damaged was my confidence and self esteem.

As a 73 year old man, I now see what could and probably should have been. I am sure that you have heard this before but you must realize and feel the pain that each one of the abused feels. To abuse someone is to inflict a wound that never heals. The long periods of depression, thoughts of suicide, ruined marriages and relationshjips, alcohol, drugs are all cripplers of one's development. Furthermore, as a consequence, our societies and countries are not what they could and should have been. This is not hyperbole because, as you know too well, pedophilia in the Catholic Church is a universal problem.

The Catholic Church has a great opportunity to live the Gospel, to show Christian compassion and understanding by adopting a zero tolerance policy towards pedophile priests. The consequence of this criminal act must be laicization. Rather than engage in meaningless rhetoric, the Catholic Church must be proactive and definitive in its actions towards these criminal priests - for the sake of all of God's children.

The pedophile priest, as any other person who commits this heinous crime against children, must be reported to the authorities, suspended from his clergical activities and if found guilty, then immediately laicized. Nothing short of this will satisfy the victims.

Our children are our heritage. My mother who was a devout Catholic always taught us that children were given to their parents but were on loan. It was up to the parents, their primary teachers, to bring them up in the love of God and to set them on the road that Jesus paved for us. The Holy Bible teaches us so much about God's attitude towards children. As Christians, we must be faithful to his teachings:

But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them: "Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God." Mark 10:14

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians, 6:4

"See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in Heaven." Matthew 18:10

At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"
And calling to him a child, he put them in the midst of them and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:1-3

For the sake of our children, your Holiness, show the world that the Catholic Church will no longer tolerate pedophile priests who have been found guilty of this heinous crime and will prove it by having them immediately laicized. I pray that you will do your utmost and act as Jesus would. Protect the little ones.

Respectfully,

Ken Hills

Serving Two Masters

2011-08-16T08:54:00.000-07:00

I can not imagine the net worth of the Catholic Church, doubtlessly one of the world's largest corporations. I think of the splendour of the Basilica in the Vatican and the priceless artifacts. What, do you suppose, is the Shroud of Turin worth, for example? Catholics are asked to support their parishes by contributing ten per cent of their income to their churches. I wonder how the economic structure of the world, especially in third world countries, would be affected if the Catholic Church did the same? How many houses and schools could they build in third world countries? Many years ago, I asked a parish priest how the Catholic Church can justify having all the wealth that it does. His answer was that there are many wealthy people in the world. Why don't they share their money with those less fortunate? What kind of convoluted logic is that? When a man becomes a priest, he is asked to take vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. My friend once visited a wealthy parish and when he viewed the opulence of the rectory and its receiving area, he exclaimed, "if this is poverty, show me chastity." There are many great priests in the world who have dedicated themselves to serving God in the true spirit of Jesus. One of my old friends who is still a priest is a prime example. He was completely focused on helping others. People always wanted to show their appreciation but whatever he was given, he gave away to someone who needed it more. He used to offer shelter to young students who had no place to stay. He would feed them and clothe them. Unfortunately, when the church sex scandals began to surface, he had to stop this practice. He was and still is focused on serving but one master. I sadly believe that the Catholic Church can do so much more with its wealth than it presently does. I would like to think it would give away all of its wealth but that will never happen. How true to the following are they or are we? "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannnot serve both God and money." Matthew 6:24

A Special Victim

2011-08-14T17:17:00.001-07:00

Meeting other victims, seventeen in all, at the sentencing was an enlightening experience. It was also satisfying to meet with others who had experienced the same kind of turmoil in their lives, people who could now understand and truly empathize with one another, people who once thought that they were the only ones who had been abused. The crown attorney asked each one of us if we would like to have a ban on our names. Most, in turn, said they wanted their names out there as they needed to be exonerated. By the time the sentencing actually began, almost all of the victims agreed to allow their names to be published. Everyone's decision was respected as we each knew that each person was affected in the same way and yet each case was unique. One gentleman from Sudbury was very emphatic about having his name published. He explained when he was in grade nine, at the precocious age of twelve, he was abused. Inexplicably, he told everyone about it but no one would believe him. In fact, the principal of his school at the time told him that they could not tolerate his spreading rumours about one of their teachers. As a result, he was expelled from the school. He has lived in this small northern town all of his life and has had to endure the disbelievers. No one believed him. He now rejoices, and so he should, now that the perpetrator pleaded guilty and was sentenced to two years in the penitentiary, in the fact that he is no longer a suspected victim but a true victim of child abuse, one who must now be believed. He has truly been exonerated. Still, I am sure that there are those who do not wish to believe him for who but a victim can truly comprehend what it means to be abused. Maybe in a future blog, I will try to describe what it means to me.

2011-08-13T07:51:00.000-07:00

You may now know that I have initiated a civil suit against Marshall and the Basilian Order. I have done this because years ago the Basilians failed to protect me and others from a pedophile priest/teacher who was charged with our care. They dealt with it by sending the offender to other schools, giving no thought to the victims, no thought to how this abuse would haunt us for a lifetime. Now they must be held accountable. I have done this because I want the schools and the churches to be safe places for my grandchildren and for all children. I did this for my family, especially for my wife who has supported me with love and understanding for fifty one years. I did this for others who have been abused to show them they are not alone, to encourage them to talk about their abuse, to begin thier healing. I did this because I want the Catholic hierarchy to take notice and to adopt a zero tolerance policy towards pedophilia and to immediately defrock any clergy who commits this heinous crime. It is completely incomprehensible to me that priests are protected by the church when lawyers, doctors, teachers and the public in general would be disciplined according to the laws of their own associations. I am doing this because what happened to me years ago changed my life forever. It affected all of my relationships - with my wife, my family, my colleagues and with my church. It affected my ability to trust others. I did this because I want and need to stare down this demon that has possessed me for so long. I did this because I am angry.

Can't Seem To Let Go

2011-08-07T16:10:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me why I was still thinking about my abuse after 58 years. Why could I not just let it go? I would like to answer that by telling you of an incident which took place in the courtroom on the day of the sentencing. As I said before, all of the victims were invited to read impact statements. In fact, we were given a choice. Either we could read them or they could be read for us by the crown attorney. I was pleased to see that all but one chose to read their statements. The rest of us totally respected the decision of the one exception because we understood his emotions. In any case, one gentleman was reading his statement when suddenly he put down his paper and said that he was about to do something that was completely out of character. He approached the perpetrator who was sitting beside his lawyer and calmly asked him to stand so he could hit him, something he said his father wanted to do many years ago. It was, indeed, a most polite request. Naturally, security was summoned and the gentleman was ushered from the court and a short recess was called. After, I spoke with this man and assured him that I understood his anger and frustration but I felt that he had snapped and asked him exactly what happened. He told me that he had looked up from his statement and made eye contact with the the perp. At that time, he said, he felt like a 14 year old boy again. And that is why I cannot let go. Next time, another significant incident.

Back At It

2011-08-03T14:52:00.000-07:00

I have not been writing because so much has happened in such a short time. In June of this year, my wife and I travelled to Windsor for the sentencing of Marshall. I was given the option of reading an impact statement or having the Crown read it for me. I read it and stared at him and he at me until I started and then he put his head down until I finished. It was a great moment for me, very cathartic and therapeutic. In addition, I listened to 17 other victims read their statements. This was an amzaing and indescribable experience because when I started this disclosure journey in 1988, I really thought I was the only one. I bonded with the others, understood their anger, their frustrations and their emotional upheaval as they did mine. It was a great relief to see him handcuffed and led out of the court and on to his new address where he will reside for the next two years. Following that, if he is still alive, he will be on probation for three years. He is now 88 years old. My greatest disappointment is that he was not defrocked, being allowed to enter prison as a catholic priest. The Basilian order would be doing all of the victims a great service if they would lobby for his laiicization. I am not holding my breath on this one but it does carry a very significant symbolism. In my next blog, I will write about some of the other victims and how their stories affected me.

Temporarily out of order

2010-10-17T09:08:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are reading my blog, I need to tell you that I will not be writing about my subject until it has been officially settled. Thanks for your support, Ken

Too much happening

2010-10-06T12:59:00.000-07:00

Mary Ormsby is an excellent journalist for the Toronto Star. She's on the case of sexual abuse and the catholic church. It was she who reported that Tom Holland from Sudbury was abused by the same priest as I. In fact, the order to which this priest belongs allegedly paid Tom a sum of money (I believe it was $30,000) to help pay for his counselling services. Tom maintains that the money was to hush him up. In any case, he has come forth with this declaration and apparently is lodging an official complaint to the Sudbury police. Mary wrote a separate article on the De Jaeger case. This oblate priest was charged with multiple abuse offences and served 5 years in prison. Upon his release, he was to be charged with further offences. However, he skipped the country and now Interpol has a warrant out for his arrest. Incredibly, no one seems to know where he is. Today I read in the paper about Mike Blum of St. Catharine's. The 46 year old Blum is suing his church and the priest who abused him. I contacted Michael and congratulated him on his courage. Recently, I watched the documentary "What the Pope Knew." Sadly, Pope Benedict is now under heavy pressure to make amends because as Cardinal Ratzinger and head of the Doctrine of Faith for the Catholic church, the then Cardinal knew of many priest transgressors and did nothing. Incidentally, the Doctrine of Faith organization is the same as the one referred to in the Spanish Inquisition. What I want as a catholic is for these pedophiles to be brought to justice, to be laicized and removed from any possible contact with young children. I want the victims to receive compensation for their suffering. It is time to win this battle because that is exactly what it is - a battle between good and evil. I separate the divine from the human but would like to hope that the church can some day be completely on the side of good.

Life is still happening

2010-09-22T01:34:00.000-07:00

I have been writing blogs for the past month. I simply have not been publishing them. There are reasons for that and eventually I will tell you what they are. For now, it is enough to say that life is still happening. I am still in touch with SNAP and always will be. In the meantime, a couple of Sundays past, our parish priest in his sermon, asked why the numbers for Sunday mass were dwindling and why the line for receiving holy communion was longer than the one for confession. As you probably know, catholics, in order to be properly prepared for the sacrament of communion must be in the state of sanctifying grace and this is achieved by confessing one's sins and expressing one's sorrow through the sacrament of reconciliation or confession. I wanted to stand in church that day and tell everyone why the pews were emptying where once it was standing room only for Sunday mass. Catholics, first of all, still believe in the sacraments. They want and they need the eucharist. However, sadly, they are losing confidence in their priests and this is a shame. It is not fair to tar all priests and religious with the same brush but, unfortunately, the sex scandal that is universally pervasive and is dominating the news lately has damaged the credibility of the church and its leaders. Not only that but the attitude assumed toward women in the church and birth control, especially as it applies in Africa and other poor nations, is not sitting well with members of the church worldwide. I recommend a book to you. It is "Women Are Defective Males" by Grace Walker. This is an extremely intelligent lady for whom the church means so much. She wonders when she will be excommunicated because she writes honestly about women in the church and how they have been treated and regarded over the centuries since Christ. She reminds us that the title for her book was taken from an excerpt of Thomas Aquinas' Summa Theologica, considered to be his most famous work. Thomas, as you know, is the leading theologian for the catholic church. In fact, his work is studied in the seminaries. Is it any wonder that the church pews are no longer full? Next time I will write about one of my favourite disciples of Christ. That would be Mary Magdalene. In the meantime, I just wanted you to know that much is happening in my life right now and much will be written in due time.

2010-08-23T15:32:00.000-07:00

Safe At Home

2010-08-03T15:39:00.000-07:00

I think I told you in my last blog that Louise and I were going to Chicago for a SNAP convention. Snap is the survivor network for those abused by priests. This organization was founded by Barbara Blaine, herself a survivor, in 1998. It presently holds a worldwide membership of 10,000 survivors. Barbara, the President of the organization, is helped ably by David Clohessy, the Director of SNAP and Barbara Dorris, an administrator who does whatever is necessary. All three of these brave people were once abused by the clergy. To say that this convention transformed me is accurate. As I listened to one heartbreaking story after another, I felt like I was standing in the sea trying to keep my balance as one wave after another knocked me off my feet. There were plenty of tears and even laughter, lots of hugs, lots of concern. Everyone was listening to another's story, hoping to gain a little insight into their own. Everyone felt a connection and I felt like I had returned home. I was safe and understood at last, after 57 years of being lost. Why do priests who are supposed to be God's spiritual representative on earth, commit this unspeakable crime against the most vulnerable of God's children? More than that, why does the church continue to support these immoral people? Make no doubt about it; the church does support them by erecting an invisible shield around the transgressors. The priests are often sent to other parishes in other communities only to victimize again. If they do face civil justice, often they will disappear, hidden away in some other unsuspecting community, only to surface as a choir master or deacon. If they are brought to civil justice, they almost never face excommunication, unlike the nun administrator who recently opted for the life of the woman over the baby. That's another topic - the treatment of the women by the church - but I leave it for another time. The purpose of SNAP is to track down and expose these pedophile priests so that communities can be made safe for our children. It is working. This year, thus far, 108 additional names of offenders have been added to the list and that's just in the United States. Bishops have resigned in Ireland while a prominent Bishop also resigned in Belgium. This conference has made me determined to start a network here in my own city. I want to see it spread across our country. I want to see that our children and our grasndchildren are made safe. This past weekend I visited Chicago and saw a new meaning for Conrad's Heart of Darkness. I saw the horror of the devil's workshop and I am opting to fight against it. And I feel comforted knowing that there are 10,000 other known survivors across the globe who are there to support me, who are part of my new family. In my next blog, I would like to try to answer the question - why do priest pedophiles do what they do and why is the Church not helping to make their ever dwindling churches a safer place for all, especially our children?

Getting you updated

2010-07-28T02:26:00.000-07:00

I haven't written for some time but now I am ready to get back to it. First of all, I have decided not to return to Granny's as I really don't feel the need of her help at this time. Besides, the traffic into Toronto is horrendous. This doesn't mean I have forgotten about her. It's comforting to know that she is there when I need her. My molester is facing charges in the court and you already know that. Apparently, the charges are mounting and allegations and other possible charges from other jurisdictions are being investigated. I have offered to witness at any trial but have not yet decided to file charges myself. This is a struggle for me but I have to believe that eventually earthly justice will be served. On the brighter side, I have discovered SNAP. This is an acronym for Survivor's Network of those Abused by Priests. This is an organization that was started in the U. S. by a lady who was abused as a young girl. She is now a lawyer and theologian. She started the organization in 1988 and it now has a membership, world-wide, of 10,000. This is unbelievable. I try to imagine the stories of all of these people and I have to turn off my mind. Talk about the heart of darkness and the horror! In any case, this is precisely the kind of organization I would like to see here in Canada. This weekend, SNAP is hosting a convention in Chicago. I phoned and chatted with the organizer and susbsequently decided to go to the convention with Louise. In fact, we are going a day early so that I can attend a leadership course with the possibility of branching the organization here in Canada. You know, this is what I prayed for. God works in mysterious ways and I am trying to tune in to his wishes. I was also invited to display my book at the convention. I will let you know how it goes but I do feel optimistic about the outcome. In the meantime, I will update you further on the court proceedings. Pax, Ken

Never Give Up

2010-07-04T17:29:00.000-07:00

I did visit Grannie the other day. It's always a pleasure to speak with her and as usual she dispensed some good advice. After I told her of my disappointment with the Bishop, she asked me what my expectations were going into the meeting. She suggested that I needed to specify what my expectations would be, perhaps lowering them somewhat. In that way, I would not feel as much frustration or disappointment in the event that the meeting did not turn out to be a fruitful one. So, I have resolved that I will have little or no expectations from now on. I know I tend to be overly exhuberant once I attach myself to a cause. I also know that with this kind of attitude, I set myself up for rejection or responses that are not to my liking. I can't expect everyone to see what I see or feel what I feel and I need to remind myself of that. Having said that, my next move is to contact another Bishop. I am not going to give up on this issue. I believe it is still with us today as it has been throughout history. I also would like others who have experienced abuse to know that it is normal to be angry, frustrated, to feel alone, to feel inferior, to have bad dreams, to have ruined relationships, to have social difficulties, to be depressed. I also want them to know that they are not alone. I want them to have professional help and I want them to know that they can recover from their abuse. I want to encourage them to "let go and let God", to work on improving their relationship with a higher power, to have faith that their creator will always be in their corner. This has worked for me and it will work for others. By the way, I am not certain I want to drive back into Toronto. The traffic is unbelievable.

A Disappointing Meeting

2010-06-30T15:50:00.000-07:00

I was really hoping I could tell you that my visit with the Bishop was a positive one. I really don't think I can tell you that. In fact, I came away feeling quite frustrated. The Bishop did indicate in The Mercury article that he would be happy to meet with me and listen to my suggestions. Well, he did that but I expected more from him. He thinks that the abuse problem is one of the past and that the cases now coming to light are resurrected by older farts like me. I suppose, therefore, when I and others of my age expire, there will be no more pedophile problems. Talk about an ostrich response! I did inform him of my new mission to spread the the word and share my story with others. I even volunteered to visit the seminaries. In retrospect, since there will be no more problems, I suppose my visit would be unnecessary. However, he did say that he had my number and appreciated having me as a "resource," and that he would call me maybe, perhaps, in the likelihood that...I was hoping that he wouldn't be so political but I guess that just shows my naive side. Oh well, I need to keep going and so I will. I will not be sidetracked by anyone in this. Pedophilia has been with us since time began. It is an evil sickness from which we must protect our children. It would be easier if we had the backing of all authorities but if not, we will do it ourselves. Pax vobiscum, Ken

The Afterbirth

2010-06-29T02:28:00.000-07:00

I mentioned the afterbirth in my last posting. I will clarify. The man who abused me is still alive. I found this out one day after the article appeared in the paper. I can't describe to you how I felt when I learned of this. Not only is he alive but he is presently facing abuse charges in the courts. How ironic is this! I read about him, about his history, his involvement with young people over the last almost sixty years. I felt sick. I don't know how else to describe my feelings. Whenever a shock hits your system, it has a physical effect as well as a psychological one. My blood sugar elevated and I was awaking in the middle of the night. The terrors had returned. I began to think once again of days long ago when I was victimized. I began to think of friends who were abused also, one special friend who went to his grave with that horrible secret. I read that if anyone had any relevant information to report, please contact etc. I stared at the name of the detective and his phone number for several days and finally made the call. I offered to be a witness for the accusers, fellow abused victims. I have chosen to stand with them and hopefully finish this interminable journey at last. I feel comfortable with this decision and even have a sense of relief. Pray for me and my friends. On the brighter side, I am looking forward to meeting with the Bishop tomorrow. My wife will be with me. Stay tuned.

Why I wrote Requiem

2010-06-27T19:09:00.000-07:00

The following is a quote from an essay by George Orwell (Animal Farm, 1984). It is from one of his essays entitled "Why I Write." "Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting experience, like a long bout of some painful illness. One could never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand." When I read his essay and especially this particular quote, I identified with it immediately. It is often also said that writing a book is like giving birth to a baby. It grows inside of you and when fully formed, it is born. The subject of Requiem has grown inside of me for almost sixty years! It is long overdue. But now that it is out there, I do feel a sense of relief. Like a proud mother, I want others to enjoy it now the way I can. The afterbirth is coming and there is still some tidying up to do. I look forward to sharing this book and its topic with many people. Just as we can learn from one another, we can also learn from books, especially ones that are so personal and delve into the human condition looking for answers to universal questions. Hopefully, sharing the knowledge I have accumulated through the experiences outlined in my book will help others in their personal quests.

My First Presentation

2010-06-24T04:50:00.000-07:00

I was nervously excited at my book launch. It took place in the church basement and 110 people were present. Fr. Ken introduced me and from the first time I met with him and told him my story he was supportive of my mission. I can't tell you what it means to me to have the support of the clergy and of the Catholic church. After all, it has been my second home my entire life. I was born a Catholic and will die a Catholic. I think the talk which I gave went well. There were many questions after and it was a delight to meet with many of the people, some of whom tol,d me of their own stories of abuse. One couple asked me for advice. What should they do about their daughter who had been abused? I told them that I am not a psychiatrist, just a survivor but that they need to suggest professional help for their daughter. So many of them were looking for help but I couldn't help them. The best I could say was just let them know you are there for them whenever they need someone and get them professional help. A few people asked if I would consider talking in other venues and of course I agreed because that has become my mission now. Quite a few books were sold and I informed the group that part of the proceeds would go to a worthy cause, yet to be determined. Incidentally, remember I told you about our Holy Mother. Well, she was with me.

Presentation and launch

2010-06-23T03:05:00.000-07:00

Well, who knows what will happen today? This evening at St. Joe's parish hall, I will be talking about my past, introducing my book and answering questions. I feel as if my past just caught up with me and I am being swept away in the tide. They say that if that ever happened that you would need to relax and see where the tide takes you, ride it out until you feel released and then make your way back to shore. I guess that's what I will do today. How many people have told me since reading the newspaper article about similar problems in their own life! Where does all this suffering end? I pray for peace for everyone. Pax vobiscum or peace be with you is my motto for Requiem For Black Shoes. For how can we have peace in our families, in our world in fact if we cannot have peace within ourselves? Healing is necessary. Whatever it takes to achieve inner peace must be done. I need divine assistance as I can't do what is necessary by myself. Someone who wanted to be there this evening but is unable to do so emailed me and said that she would pray that our Holy Mother would enshroud me this evening. What a beautiful thought! I hope she shows up. I'll let you know, Ken

A Long Way Home

2010-06-20T14:48:00.000-07:00

That was quite an article in the local paper, The Guelph Mercury, on my new book. I am so pleased with its presentation and especially delighted that my pastor and the Catholic church were so well respected. The local bishop was obviously contacted and seems willing and anxious to meet with me. At this poiont, everyone seems to be supportive. The Catholic church has taken a lot of heat lately but I sense it has now entered a period of purification and I wish to be part of that. My pastor announced the time and place of my presentation and also had it printed in all the church bulletins across the city. I hope we have a nice turnout for the launch. On this first day of my final stage to full healing, ladies were wanting to hug me (I received no such offers from men). They told me about a friend or a relative who had experienced what I did as a young boy. It seems that child abuse is common. At least, that was the impression I took away from the first day of public disclosure. I am preparing for the book launch of Requiem For Black Shoes, a novel about the effects of child abuse. I believe that all children are born with a natural compass that points right back to their creator. What happens when your compass has been tampered with and your directions are not entirely accurate any more? It is so easy to lose your way in life and so difficult to find your way back. The world turns on its axis and natural relationships are no longer natural. I am anxious to begin the dialogue.